Pick a Chore. Any Chore

There's Value in the Doing

CHORES. Think of the Ingalls. Ma & Pa had way too much to do to do it all themselves. Mary, Laura, and even Baby Carrie chipped in to make the household work. Ma and Pa may have had wood to chop, lye soap to make, and cracks in the log cabin to fill. But today’s parent has a job, a commute, grocery shopping, food prep and cooking, toting their kids to various after-school activities in addition to volunteering for the PTA and the sports booster club. Not to mention their own health and relationships to manage.

Whether they work outside the home or not, moms and dads often take on most of the home-keeping responsibilities. Having five children myself, I can honestly say it is way easier to do the chores yourself than it is to teach a child how to do them properly, remind them to do it, remind them again, manage the chore chart, and follow up when the chore is not done or not done well. However, this is a huge part of the UnEntitled Path. Contributing to the family and the keeping of the home is paramount to teens understanding that they are not owed all they think they are. Whatever your family standards are for cleanliness should be communicated and each person in the family should contribute to keeping the home to that standard. Do not kill yourself on this one. No one’s house looks like the finished product on “Fixer Upper” all the time. Having minimum standards that take into account how you use your home and how much time you have to keep it up makes sense. A separate standard for once a week or once a month is another good practice. Expecting teens to keep their room perfect all the time is not only unreasonable, it is grounds for rebellion. But helping them understand what the family expectation is and how they can keep up is a skill their first roommate will be thankful you taught them.

Laundry, dishes, washing the family car, going grocery shopping for the family, babysitting younger siblings or driving them places all are expectations you can have of your teenager. Communicating what their responsibilities are and having clear consequences for not doing them are keys to success in this arena. Whether you use a chore chart, a smartphone app, or a list on scratch paper, it reduces confusion and nagging to have a system for assigning tasks. Some families have great success working together as a team one day a week. Other families assign tasks at the beginning of the week and allow each person to contribute as it works for his or her schedule. The more simple the plan, the easier the follow up for the parent in charge of managing the list. Once at a conference I attended, Charlotte Ellard, a mom of twelve, suggested assigning tasks not for a week at a time but for several months. Her rationale was valid: if everyone knows whose responsibility a chore is, it is much more likely to get done. If you only have two children, you may be able to keep it all in your head or on one sheet of paper on the fridge. But if you have more kids, Charlotte’s idea holds more weight.

As you assign responsibilities to the members of your household, also find ways to allow more freedoms. The more responsible your children are, the more privileges they should be afforded and the less management they need in other arenas of their lives. As they see the correlation between their contributions and the associated benefits, they will be encouraged to continue to grow in responsibility. Not only are the chores done and the parents have more free time, the kids are growing in skills and maturity. That’s a real win!